realization

today, suddeny i realized that i am growing old , a chapter of my life is over and i have entered a new phase in my life; yesterday was my 28 th birthday; i am no longer a youth but a grown up man,henceforth i have to be responsible for my actions ,nothing will be taken forgranted. I can't afford to live a life deviod of focuss longer, i have to settle down with next 5-6 years and for that i need to work hard.

I am not sure why it has taken me so long to realize that time have reached for being content with oneself ,though it entails giving my ambitions and living life just sake of living which i never was willing accept; now things have taken such turn that living a life that keeps me at peace is only priority in my life. eventhough i have realized my ambitions are distant dream but I will keep trying to work towrards my ambition ,though, achieving them will no longer be of pimary importance.

I some times feel that I on occasions act as if I am still school going child,who has no worries about his furure;and on some occasions i feel I have understood life to an extend that I am above all human weaknesses.

This life is a very interesting ,mysterious and uncertain drama that we all have to pass throug,even when we understand this play of life is nothing but a tansitory phase of a very long journey ,each human soul has set on;we never loose that attachment to trifle things of our daily life.

life an Uncertain Expression

Is there anything certain in life? To me life is a uncertain story ,which can have any outcome you have no prior clue , life to me fallows the law of quantum physics; it does some times turn they way you have expected it to , but other times the outcome is totally unexpected. So do we really control our destines or we just made to believe that we can shape our destines - You worked hard for particular examination but the day you sit for exam you got hit by car and broke your leg and instead of finding your self in some big office after getting through the exam you find you self in hospital bed for a year, and next time you had to appear for exam you again got hit by a car and this time you got your eye wounded and eventually lost your eye site .so, the outcome that has to be your success in exam , is now you being a handicap for your rest of life .

Now question is , if every outcome in life is uncertain then what is in our hands; to work for desired outcome without caring for uncertainty . And if we just stop working because we are not sure about outcome, world will come to a standstill. so, the best policy is to work for particular outcome without any attachment for that outcome -working without attachment for desired outcome, is working for outcome without getting affected by final result whether it be desired or not.

But , even if we can motivate ourselves to work for desired outcome without any attachment for outcome you are not sure whether the motivation will remain intact or whether we can remain focused for working towards any result . This part of uncertainty is quite mysterious in nature; although it is supposed that if you can control you thought process and reactions to external stimulus you can remain focused and be able to work efficiently for any task you have undertaken. But how easy or difficult it is to control thought process is difficult question to answer.
it seems that motivation to remain focused for performing some task and desired outcome of task both are uncertain in nature where the uncertainty attached with later is obvious , but that attached with formal is either not recognized or not properly documented .I feel the inception of desire and motivation to work for full-filling that desire and
fulfillment of desire all are governed by divine design and thus except few rare choices in deciding the final outcome everything is uncertain. i have experienced the times when for no logical reason i lost my motivation to work for a desired result and times when so de-motivated to work for a result ,an unexpected surge of motivation to work for that task.

in conclusion ,we are driven by some divine design which has partially decided an outcome for our task and final outcome is decided after some parameters are received from our side ,rest hard work focus and honesty are just signs for particular outcome which are seen in doer of task when a particular outcome can be expected but not with full certainty; is that we are chosen for getting tasks done and in process we burden ourselves with success or failure of task.

Do we live to die or we just don’t know why we live

Death is that ultimate reality, that every life has to vanish at some point in life.And if it is not so then what death is? . I don’t know, how different types of people take death of loved ones, a person with whom you spend lot of good time .To me they just disappeared somewhere in space where we can’t see them, but they are around and I believe we are going to meet again with our loved ones who have gone to space of death. And , there are people who believe that person just exists till death , I don’t know for people of such mental perception what life is ,just a vital living tissue who losses its vitality after a particular passage of time ; but i wonder if that is the case then what value does emotions hold for such people.

When someone leaves you to death ,one must be feeling what we are living this life for , are we working hard ,doing all of sort gymnastics –lies ,deceit, keeping over sells abreast with times . Although, I do admit material pleasures is the motivation behind all the gymnastics ,we call life ;but that is not the reason enough for committing ourselves to living life .yes , we need family and friends people who love us ,people who we feel close with ,may be this joy of living life surrounded with family and friends is more than worth to ending one's life at onset of life without going through this complex drama of life to reach end of journey where we are dead.

Recently, one of my close relative , jija died, he died of sudden heart attack, he was suffering from guilty consciousness as he loved his family .I got to know about this yesterday night , for some time I didn’t feel any emotion , not a tint of sadness and went on with my life. My uncle was a complex character or may be not but he was not committed to his family, though he did support his family properly , he did not take proper responsibility in affairs of his family .He was not a good father to his children-rather than motivating and supporting them in there pursuits he was roadblock. Due to his irresponsible outlook for his a family, his family went trough hell.

But I do remember good times I spend with him. To me he was a sort of inspirational figure- tall, robust, fair-complexion and forceful. He always was a attraction in family gatherings , he was very interesting to talk to ,rather a suave speaker except with his close family. Whenever i mull on my uncles character I feel he was not a bad guy , there was great misunderstanding between himself and his family ; He expected a particular way of life and priorities for his children and they wanted something different ,he want them to live a progressive life without worring much about mores and cultural values .But, his children influenced by there mothers’ out look lived life by so called cultural values. Although, such things happen in most of families in India, in there case there family got polarized , children considered there father outsider and Father in turn became insensitive to welfare of his family rather he started to act as dictator than father.

His children did receive proper education but due to lack of there progressive outlook they could not stand hard life and stand by themselves in hard and rough times through which every kasmiri hindu passed in 90’s,added to that there father rather than supporting and encouraging them to withstand the challenge of rough life , he turned a villain –started harassing and intimidating his family , took extremely wrong decisions for future life of his elder daughter.I am in complex situation whether to lable jija a villan or blame his family for not understanding his viewpoint and neglecting him.

But, whatever label he will be given ,I will miss him I will always cherish those happy days our families spend together ,I liked him more than other member in my family. I had dream to relive those happy days with him along with our families. He was most attractive personality in our close circle of relatives , I will miss you jija ji , I will miss all those skits i did with you as a kid , I will remember the day when i didn’t follow your command and you tried to beat me up ,and I ran away from front door of drawing room, you chased me i went in again through window on the front side of room you went in through window and I went out again through front door and finally you gave up and assured me that I will be pardoned……..this particular incident always peps me up when i feel life has become too heavy to live . I remember the way ,I used to annoy you by kicking water pot you used for making shave .i will remember all those times I went out with you shopping and you huddled me with wooden rods for draping curtains , to carry home ….believe me that was best time of my childhood. I will miss you jija ji. Forgive for harsh behaviors when you last visted our family . I will miss you Sir .

I don’t Know why God is in hurry to take your loved ones away from you , I always dreamt that I will bring back those happy days back to you and your family but I was unlucky , but I request Almighty to give me wisdom , strength and resources so that I can take al troubles from your family.MAY GOD BESTOW DIVINE PEACE TO YOUR SOUL

live life the way you want , no mores!

whether you are a hindu or not ,but this "view of reality" will get down your mental throught wiht ease.Human taste for life have been put in three brackets : satvik (subtler one) Rajvik (passionate) tamsik (love for mirk)
what is point in rallying with with something that is "so well known" at least in india ; there is stage when you know something as just other piece of information ,then there is stage when you find it a usefull piece of information and a stage comes when you realize this is what they call "reality" .Yes this reality is slowly but steadly dawning on me .At this stage where you know that "somethig" that was just a common piece of information ,is worth more than anything else;you are forced to again enunciate same thing that has been said through the ages.

Holest of holly " Bagvat Geeta"-most sacred book to hindus,says don't get moved , whatever taste of life you come into , don't yearn for something that you feel is better and don't feel dejected and done .so, whether you live life in subtler sence ,or you live life of passion or you love to be in mirk ,don't ever detest your self .My desire and goal is to live "subtle" life but i do get love for mirk and do fall in mirk ,where i feel there is no point in living any thing else , but it passes and i feel regret for lossing my focus for not being able to stick to my resolve to live "subtler" life ,i feel crestfallen then again i go near to living life passionately and agin i regret for my digress.Of late it has come to me that ,one shhould never commit oneself to follow particular path ,but one should strive for higher objectives " abstinenace " -does not mean to me renouncing from some activity but a full control at onset of yearning for any activity," patience" and "compassion" , with these things in mind one does not need to worry about phases through which he passes .we in hinduism believe that "no moment of ours goes without doing

anything ,influenced by dominant apects of "prakrati" we choose our activity"- Natrure is most close word for "Prakrati" ,here we mean by nature the energies that make this universe look the way it is . So, we will be infleunced ,motivated and expolited by thses dominant energies of Nature, but ,if our resolve is sincere and pure we don't need to give a damn, whether i love to play in mirk or i want passion to rule my life.well , i find "subtler" mode of life attractive ,but if you find anyother aspect of life attractive , don't feel detested ,beacuse when you realize the transitory and energyless nature of living life in these modes you will develop "love " for livng life in "subtler sence. I konw ,if i go by those strict "guidelines " of so called religion-preachers, i am "sinner" but if i go by " Bhagvat geeta" i am aspirant for truth that onley makes me "pure" one . By purity i dont't mean the way i am living my life ,but my dsire to be pure.once your desire to live life full of energy you are established in this cycle of life. Being full of energy does't not mean you have to be worrier or something , you are full of energy when you are able to do any activity with full attachment and concentration , and joy of doing every activity (whether Good or Bad) is in this mode, is more than thousand joys of acheiving some thing you have yearned for long.
A famous indian saint "Sawami Vevakananda, said" Know any thing that makes you energetic mentally is life and that saps you mental virility is death”.Other point that makes your life a totally established is when you are able to live life with conviction ,whater you doing do it with conviction and be responsible for wahtever you did.i myself am struglling to live all my dealings with conviction.
so, all you folkes , who visit this blog....feel happy and joyous for you are pure , no matter what phases you pass while living this life if you have desire to be pure and conviction for what you did, are doing you are better off than people giving sermon in Vatican.i am not sure ,whether i made point in writing this post , but i am sure it should guide others like me who are struglling for life full of scent

Relation ship statistics and dynamiscs

.....(devoted to my friend)
For these 9 years till my 26th birthday, I tried to figure out, am I a complex character or this life is so complex to make you assume that complexity lies in you. Though, life devoid of human interaction is a simple and joy- full expression of nature. No. I don’t mean that all human interaction or relations are banal expression in general.
Ever wondered why some great saints lived there life in harmony while amidst the field of human relationships; I am not contradicting any thing may here I am not putting my point through…i feel if you don’t give a spiritual dimension to relationship with other human being than that relation ship turns trite at sometime and before it looses its charm it is not always source of harmony-internal calm. To give spiritual dimension to relationship, by that, I don’t mean to maintain a relationship in accordance with religious principles; they can be guiding
lights or some time the whole reality; but it should be the personal endeavor of every human being to find spiritual edge to relationship.

Spiritual edge to relationship is a broad term, but, put it in short, it is to maintain the beauty in relationship that is a source of personal harmony. Why the most marriages become boring after few years of marriage, why does
people leave alone their older parents (old family) and prefer to live with their new family, reason is obvious relations loose attractiveness that it used to have.

So, why the hell am I pointing these issues, every body knows these things that we move on with relationships if they are not permanent, that doesn’t bother you; then what is the issue. But life is circle if you are young now you will be old also,, you can get married again but not for ever , at sometime one has to realize relationships are not to be based on attractiveness but something more subtler than that I call spiritual basis of relationship . Two persons can be friends because they like each other for each other’s qualities they have some common interests but that is not enough to for relationship to be a source of happiness always, well if there is a element of mutual respect between two persons a relationship make become more meaning full, but still it would lack a spiritual touch; To incorporate spiritual touch in relationship it is mandatory to remain
Un- attached in relationship, then relationship would not be based on attraction. Un-attached doesn’t not mean not to care about other person, well here also it is individual choice how you define un-attachment .So, if there is love
and un-attachment in relationship, it will last for ever, may be you will live far away from your friend never contact him but the joy of such relationship is everlasting and always source of harmony.

Whether I am ambi-vert or introvert I have not been able to figure it out till now , but surely I was more introvert during my adolescent years , that explains why I developed more love for reading books , since I was a science student ,so I read since books, the most ;and also there is an element of awe attached with science . one of my problems have been lack of proper attention to task at hand , that coupled with my character of learning things without proper attention with varying degrees of success- in studies, degree of success was good but in other departments it is bad to worse ; this may explain the person I used to be at some time and ruminants of that personality still very much exit in me.

I always wanted tried to find joy in simple things, but also developed a sense of bracketing myself as “knowledgeable” in relative terms, I never considered myself sophisticated, but I was no bumpkin. But my whole world was shattered when
I was told that I am street smart bumpkin only because I can’t speak there lingo nor do I follow there ways. I am very sensitive to what people label me, particularly so-called “knowledgeable” ones. Well, that combined with my egocentric
nature made me the person I am right now.

Now , back to relationships, although I admit that I myself don’t work in relation ship with spiritual angle consideration, but I always tried to incorporate more and more of this ingredient into my relationship with varying degrees of success,
and in lot of occasions I was misunderstood for my endeavor. But ,in nutshell I am no good than others. But I will keep on trying.

But , what I have been observing with most of relationships, they are based on factor of attractiveness for person with whom you make relationship or if you already are in relationship how involved you will be in relationship will again be
decided by your attraction for other person. Now, attraction could be motivated by other person’s qualities or just because the relationship will benefit you. Well, I don’t say thing there is any thing wrong or right with this basis for starting
relationships. But well if we want to be in harmony with ourselves we need to try to give a spiritual dimension to our relationship no matter what was the motivation for starting the relationship. Well we are not saints so we can’t expect to be absolute in our endeavor for attaching a spiritual touch to relationship. But if we can’t incorporate the minimum amount into a relationship, the we better should call our selves animals rather than human beings…unless you incorporate spiritual dimension in relationship ……bulls competing to mate a healthy cow is no way different from our effort to find a smart and beautiful partner, our abandoning our parents in there old age is no way different from dog stopping visiting
your premises because he is getting more bones from next door,treating other person badly in realtive terms ,in relationship just because you think you have some more important important people around you is analogus to fox's following the lion.

dare to except the reality of life!!

i have gone trough various phases from the time i first put my feet on this planet , i am sure every one passes through life where he finds that life is not a beautiful expression only, it has different shades , some time one becomes so bored with this human existance , that it seems we are no better than animals as far as our freedom is concerned , whole human settelment gets erased from earthquake , we feel streesed by thing beyond our control ;so,is it that we have been used to play different roles in life by some unkown power.

i wonder , if most human beings go through this realization we are just short lived creatures who can exersie no control on forces of nature , even our circumstance tend be beyond our control ,then why we all are so attched to our character in this play of life ...........is it we are afraid of putting this realization into practice or we just like bores who can't aford to come out of mirk?